Stop
Look
Mesmerised
Stop
Look
Mesmerised
Water clings to flower for as long as possible before succumbing to gravity
If I could travel to the future
and see yesterday
which is today
Would I like what I see?
Would I change anything
if there was a choice?
I found my imperfect heart
Was making me fall apart
Full of despair
I had the repair
And now I am a work of art!
What’s next in this intrepid journey called Life
I pause and reflect on the significance of each step taken
And reminded that every step is a journey in itself.
I forage her face for familiarity
this ancient ancestor of mine
Searching for similarities
to push past to present
and make connection
bathe, cleanse
thirst, drink ,quench
dry, wet, nourish, harvest
sea, river, lake, rain, tears, ocean
SILENCE: Absence of sound, stillness
Silence screams in my head.
I am still, lost in moment of nothing.
Energy ripples through mind, body, soul.
I am awakened and surrounded by the stunning noise of life.
REFLECT: Go back in thought, meditate or consult with oneself.
I sit
And reflect on actions, comments and thoughts of the day
Which ultimately affect my life and ripple through others
Could have – should have – did I – why?
Breathe
Stillness
Let go
Push away thoughts of today, yesterday and tomorrow
Concentrate on now
Breathe
Stillness
Let go
Warmth on my face
As sun seeps through window
Eyes closed, relax
In tune with the noise of life
Birds fluttering, chirping
Distant sound of radio chatter
Occasional car hums by
Heart beat
Then nothing
SiLeNcE
MotionLess
ENJOYING NOW
OBSERVATION: Notice or being noticed, perception, faculty of taking notice
He lay there in stillness
in echo friendly casket
Arms gently folded
Hands entwined in rich red pohutakawa blossom
Wearing suit
that fitted so well at son’s wedding,
several years ago
Last worn then
now hiding thin frail human
An alter of flowers, fruit and vegetables
the rewards of years of planting, nurturing and growing
His last harvest
Outside sun shines glorious light beams
Rays of love to all
Family, friends, loved ones
Tears, laughter
Stories, emotion
Pure
He is at peace
this his last night on earth
Farewell
NEAT: brief, clear and pointed, cleverly phrased, epigrammatic, deft, dexterous, cleverly done, tidy, methodical.
According to http://www.urbandictionary.com
NEAT: Wonderful, terrific, cool, clean, orderly, tidy , serving a spirit straight without ice or mixer.
I wrote my first diary in 1974. It was a small 5cm by 8.5cm brown Holiday and Travel Book, given to me by Mum. I was a 16-year-old New Zealander, off on a school geography trip to the Fiji Islands. The travel book was to record my trip.
The A to Z challenge prompted me to read this diary again in search for ideas for the challenge. Several things jumped out at me.
Two words I used frequently in this diary are NEAT and GEE, which were common slang words used in the 1970’s. Neat – this is cool and Gee Wiz –oh wow! So I was using pretty CooL (another 70’s favourite) words. Here are some more 1970’s slang words/phrases: GroovY, SToked, Nifty, TotalLy AwEsoMe and MaY the ForCe be wiTh You.
In my diary, everything I enjoyed doing was “really neat”. A bus driver was really neat, I met some really neat people. We had neat fun. The fish were neat. Then there was GEE. Gee I felt sorry, Gee I had fun.
The ultimate entry was – “GEE the market was NEAT!”
I can’t say this diary was the most exciting read, however it was factual and reading it transported me back to my penultimate year at high school, and the fantastic opportunity our Geography class had going to Fiji. It also reminded me of people I once knew and left me wondering what happened to them.
MAJESTIC: Possessing stateliness or grandeur, imposing
Tuesday’s usual trip from the Kapiti Coast to Wellington
Takes me through familiar landmarks
which remain as constant as Tuesday follows Monday
Passing towns and suburbs
where people are going about their daily routines
Trains worming towards the big city
Cars inching forward in traffic jam
Pass Whenua Tapu cemetery
and a keen eye notices a new monument decorated with flowers
At Paremata
a little apprehensive
wondering if she will be there today
moored between road and rail bridges
Heading south the view between the bridges
is hampered by passing traffic, concrete walls
and walkers
NOT TO BE SEEN
So the wait begins, and as the day unfolds with regularity,
I head north for home
The motorway not so busy this time
as commuters are now parked in office buildings,
shops, universities, coffee houses
Before Paremata
I position myself for the ultimate view
I am not disappointed
I see her sat upon still water
that make the inlet
where fishers catch sprats
She is majestic
this small little boat
I smile as a drive past
KATE
Kate ©hk photography
LIFE: Active part of existence, business and pleasures of the world
Playing trolley tag in the supermarket
Aisle much narrower than the norm
Harassed employee unstacks
then restacks shelves
Clutching coupons he appears agitated
Scrutinises then grabs selected product
Must be a big specials day
Shopper dithering over meat selection
all I want is the lamb shank displayed in front of her
I lean on trolley and wait my turn
Be patient
I wonder
What they are thinking
as product mechanically put in trolleys
Choices made
Would I buy that?
Checkout
Pimply faced boy starts the operation
Lamb shank scanned
Loyalty card swiped
Card inserted, pin keyed
Payment made
There done!
KINDNESS: There is no entry in my 1976 Concise English Dictionary. The nearest I could find was KIND.
KIND: Of gentle or benevolent nature; showing friendliness; affectionate; kind-hearted
KINDLY: Kind, kind-hearted, pleasant, genial
http://www.oxforddictionaries.com define KINDNESS as: The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate:
I am overwhelmed by KINDNESS from family and friends. After my recent diagnosis of rheumatic heart disease and impending surgery, I have witnessed what KINDNESS is.
Generosity, compassion, affection, goodness, grace
Unconditional love experienced first hand
I am humbled
Thank you to everyone who has shown me KINDNESS
I intend to pay KINDNESS forward with love
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love – Lao Tzu
I: Me, myself, the ego, subject or object of self-consciousness
I AdmiRe
I BreAtHe
I CrY I DreAm
I EmpaTHise I FRoliC
I GiVe I HOpE I ImaGine
I JouRNey
I Know I LoVe I Meander
I Need
I OverCoMe I PracTice
I QuestioN I RaDiatE
I Sing I TeACh I UnDersTand
I Value I WriTe I XoXoXoX
I YeaRn I ZigZaG
I AM
FOOTPRINT: impression left by foot.
©hk photography
EMOTION: Disturbance of mind, mental sensation or state; instinctive feeling as opposed to reason.
I play leap frog with emotiions
My emotions
Frogs in position
me at the start line
This challenge ….not easy …. scary ….fear
Pulse quickens
Muscles twitch, I sense anxiety in my heart
Mind speak “you can do this”
Your’re not the first, you won’t be the last
Breathe….Meditate….Believe…..Have Faith
LEAP
APPRENTICE: Learner of a craft, bound to serve, and entitled to instruction, beginner, novice.
My 58th year as an earth bound apprentice
learning the craft of life
Hungering:
For new experiences
Unknown adventures
Realisation for dreams
Energised:
By what I have already experienced
And lessons learned
Humbled:
At the majesty, dignity and beauty of planet earth
and sacrifices made to support human life
By the generosity of friends, loved ones and strangers
Graduate:
When I leave the planet
A to Z Challenge using all the letters in the alphabet reminds of my typing class at high school.
No computers back in the 70’s just a manual type writer, with a metal cover hiding letters allowing just enough room for fingers to push keys and type.
The quick brown fox jumps of the lazy dog
This sentence used every letter in the alphabet! And we practiced, practiced and practiced.
The correct hand and finger placement for speed typing important and enforced in class. Fingers always hovering over middle row of letters; asdfghjkl
I never did master using all 8 fingers correctly, instead my fingers dance over keyboard searching for the right letter. Mistakes made, but now quickly erased or corrected with the back space key or spell check.
The concise Oxford Dictionary of current English, 6th edition 1976 was my bible before internet and online dictionaries. I still use my trusty dictionary, albeit less frequently.
The first entry in this dictionary is:
A, noun, plural A’s. First letter of the alphabet; (Mus.) sixth note in diatonic scale of C major; first hypothetical person or example; highest class (of road, academic marks, population as regards affluence, etc); from A to Z, over the entire range, completely; from A to B, from any place to some other place
This 1976 dictionary is where I will get my A to Z words and meanings from.
Enjoy
Sometimes rheumatic fever = rheumatic heart disease = heart valve damage = heart valve replacement……
I never in my most gloomy moments thought I would be inflicted with a heart condition.
Preparing myself for double heart valve replacement, the usual doom and gloom thoughts fill the spaces in my mind reserved for such occasions.
Why is it easier to think of the negative rather than positive? I push and pull myself through these thoughts and try to tether myself to the positive.
The last 6 months have been filled with doctors and hospital appointments, hospital admissions and discharges, work and all the emotional stuff that reveals itself in times like this.
Holding myself in limbo I process what has unfolded and come to terms with how my life will be post surgery
Then finally acceptance, belief and trust replace anger, blame and fear
I am ready to move into the next lane on my freeway of life and embrace all that it offers
ROAD BLOCK
That dreaded phone call, the day before surgery
Heart races, anxiety heightens
I know the conversation
“your surgical date has been deferred”, spoken as if doodling
I stop listening to the reasons why – everything a blur
Devastated
New date given, but be prepared for the “possibility of postponement”
Those negative emotions forced to the fore again
I am back at that place of anger and frustration
REFOCUS
Road blocks are temporary
5 months after diagnosis
1 month before surgery
This topsy-turvy 5 months has brought to the fore emotions hidden in dark places
Anger, shame, guilt and fear
They jack in the boxed out from the abyss so quickly, danced in frenzied style and taunted my psyche.
And consumed my every day
Advice from a good friend
“Nourish your Heart”
Push the jack of negative emotions back into its box
Find emotions worthy of my attention
Joy, love, compassion, trust
Remove fear
Only then can I
Nourish my heart
Take one fifty something woman
Toss in four ethnicities – Cook Island, Niuean, German and English
Add lashings of passion, poetry, sport, FAMILY, spiritualism, health and wellbeing, PHOTOGRAPHY, craft and travel.
Combine with oodles of thought, questions, ideas and reflection
Mix well together.
This is a blog for musings about my life and experiences on planet earth, a place for poetry, writing and photography.
Enjoy my take on life.
She was manic, busy and energetic – clearly loving her work. Her time running out and my appointment at least 30 minutes late.
I sat there feeling guilty for wasting precious time of this very busy woman.
Trying to access my files on her computer
Asking a colleague for help to make my documents visible and finally achieving it.
A pause from her suggested something may be up, but she had her game face on, and no emotion showed – a good sign I thought.
Her questions, my answers all appeared to tick the “you are healthy” box.
“So lets check that echocardiogram” she said.
Alone I sat in the room with examination bed and curtain at one end. Messy desk topped with artificial hearts, papers, stethoscope and cup of tea at the other end. Cream walls.
Waiting seemed like forever – I practiced my apology for wasting her time
The door flew open and the words “you are in serious trouble” spilled out, followed by “you have severe heart disease”. She loomed over me explaining exactly what she had seen on the echocardiogram, but I heard nothing. Those words “severe heart disease” echoing inside my brain.
What! When? How? Why? Visibly shocked.
I am a fitness instructor, how could this be. I cycle, run, exercise for leisure and for occupation.
“Did you have rheumatic fever when you were young” she asked. “I have no idea” I mumbled
Diagnosis – Rheumatic Heart Disease
Within an hour, I was a patient. I work with patients.
Within an hour, I was prescribed medication. I never take pills.
Within an hour, my life changed.
Three words side swiped me – Disease, Patient, Medication
Prepare for valve replacement surgery
After paying for the consultation, I sat in my car feeling totally alone
How do I tell my family?
Early for me, but not others
as I pedal my 30km circuit
watching the action unfolding for a new day
Sun just starting to warm the day, but cold air hits hard as head wind tests my stamina.
Sand rustled up by wind catches my breath and salt from wave spray stings my eyes.
Seagulls fight over dead fish washed up on beach, a gift from the ocean
People on the hunt for the best coffee house
Where coffee is the stimulus for conversation
Some absorb daily newspaper – mostly bad news
I am moving at supersonic speed, in my head
Realistically a slow pace hard up against that unforgiving head wind
I look forward to the turn round, where the wind becomes my ally and gifts me a quick return home.
Mangaia
Draped in light caught through Ironwood trees
Branches hang limply, long needles entangled
and some fall to shield earth
A soft hue meanders over church of old
Monuments to the dead scatter surrounding edges
Looking further back to what remain
of traditions long gone
Rubble reminds me of past ceremonies
where descendants once gathered
A bone of an ancestor lies abandoned
caught between the then and now
Apprehension grabs my solar plexus
As I wonder who this bone was?
Dreaming of all that is possible and impossible
Feeling indestructible
Learning, Living, Loving
Flirting with the zest of life
Teasing imagination in ways that seduce the mind
Exploring flavours taste buds have yet to experience
Feeling apprehensive and scared, at the same time excited and giggly
Butterflies dance in solar plexus
Looking to the stars, seeing the past light up the sky
A kaleidoscope of yesterday bursting into life
A colour explosion
I am 20 again, adventurous and seeing the world through eyes of HOPE
the magic begins the moment you start being yourself
The world around through my camera's lens
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