Sitting on Porch – Let the Scene Write Itself

Sitting on porch, a concrete slab with tin roof for shade – I observe

Old woman wakes from afternoon sleep.  She arises and as hunger often arrives after sleep, she indulges in last night’s left overs of raw fish, greens and coconut cream

Puppies seek sanctuary underneath car to escape the relentless heat and humidity, whimpering and fretting for their mother who has found her own sanctuary somewhere else.

Rugged stray ginger cat, with ribs exposed from lack of nourishment roams property looking for morsels of food scraps thrown out the night before.

Dried coconuts stacked under breadfruit tree waiting to be husked and grated to make the next batch of coconut cream. Old coconut husks piled high next to them.

Today’s harvest of corn, yams, tomatoes, chives, pawpaw, limes and silver beet lay on formica kitchen table to be prepared into evening meal.

Rusted agitator washing machine struggles its way through washing cycle – power provided by cable passed through window to socket. Clothes line strung together between coconut trees, its linen day and floral sheets blow dry freely in the sea breeze.

Mismatched jandals line the porch to slide into for outside footwear.

Next door, old abandoned truck rusts quietly beside old house slowly decaying.

 

Sitting on porch – I listen

Muffled voices across the road – woman talking in native tongue.

Dishes being washed and dried in kitchen.

Constant thump of bass from neighbours sound system.

Car engine starts and car drives along sand and stone road.

Rooster crows continuously.

 

Sitting on porch

I slurp hot tea made from tea bag, water and powdered milk, watching ants invade the crusts of my white bread honey sandwich.

Still air, wind halted, gardenia fragrance potent – unlike yesterday when wind sneezed and coughed all day, followed by rain

Sleepy dog scratches, puppies now reunited with their mother grizzle at the disturbance

Birds sing.  Woman laughs.   Rooster crows.  Car passes by.  Sea breeze. The rustle of coconut frond.

So much beauty in simplicity

Dear heart

Heart in Sand

Dear heart ♥

I would like to thank you for giving me life even when you were struggling to survive.

The last 8 months have been full of despair, grief, anger and fear.

These emotions not directed at you but more at me for not sensing your pain.

We have gone through so much together heart.

Our experience of open heart surgery has made me realise just how magnificent you are and how much you will endure to give me life.

I hope the new valves implanted will make your job easier so we can spend more time on planet earth sharing and enjoying the wonders of life, from a new perspective.

Keep well heart and may we flourish  together ♥

 

 

A to Z Challenge – Honour

HONOUR:  respect highly, confer dignity upon, acknowledge

I honour my mother

 

She has the reputation of being a master “ei” maker on the island of Rarotonga.

An ei is a garland made of flowers worn around the neck or on top of head.

Mum picks flowers from her garden with the love and care that bestows any living thing, respecting the gift of nature.  In her garden frangipani, gardenia and hibiscus flourish.

She creates each ei with joy and tenderness, her hands gently transforming flowers into beautiful garland, a story unfolding. She looks on with pride as she gifts them to family and friends.

IMG_3934a

Mum and I wearing her “ei” ©hk photography

Visit A-Z Challenge and see what others are writing about.

 

 

 

Sometimes

Sometimes rheumatic fever = rheumatic heart disease = heart valve damage = heart valve replacement……

I never in my most gloomy moments thought I would be inflicted with a  heart condition.

Preparing myself for double heart valve replacement, the usual doom and gloom thoughts fill the spaces in my mind  reserved for such occasions.

Why is it easier to think of the negative rather than positive?  I push and pull myself through these thoughts and try to tether myself to the positive.

The last 6 months have been filled with doctors and hospital appointments, hospital admissions and discharges, work and all the emotional stuff that reveals itself in times like this.

Holding myself in limbo I process what has unfolded and come to terms with how my life will be post surgery

Then finally  acceptance, belief and trust replace anger, blame and fear

I am ready to move into the next lane on my freeway of life and embrace all that it offers

ROAD BLOCK

That dreaded phone call, the day before surgery

Heart races, anxiety heightens

I  know the conversation

“your surgical date has been deferred”,  spoken as if doodling

I stop listening to the reasons why – everything a blur

Devastated

New date given, but be prepared for the “possibility of postponement”

Those negative emotions forced to the fore again

I am back at that place of anger and frustration

REFOCUS

Road blocks are temporary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nourish your Heart

5 months after diagnosis

1 month before surgery

This topsy-turvy 5 months has brought to the fore emotions hidden in dark places

Anger, shame, guilt and fear

They jack in the boxed out from the abyss so quickly, danced in frenzied style and taunted my psyche.

And  consumed my every day

Advice from a good friend

“Nourish your Heart”

Push the jack of negative emotions back into its box

Find emotions worthy of my attention

Joy, love, compassion, trust

Remove fear

Only then can I

Nourish my heart

 

 

 

 

Me

Take one fifty something woman

Toss in four ethnicities – Cook Island, Niuean, German and English

Add lashings of passion, poetry, sport, FAMILY, spiritualismhealth and wellbeing, PHOTOGRAPHY, craft  and travel.

Combine with oodles of thought, questions, ideas and reflection

Mix well together.

This is a blog for musings about my life and experiences on planet earth, a place for poetry, writing and photography.

Enjoy my take on life.

Side Swiped

She was manic, busy and energetic – clearly loving her work.  Her time running out and my appointment at least 30 minutes late.

I sat there feeling guilty for wasting precious time of this very busy woman.

Trying to access my files on her computer

Asking a colleague for help  to make my documents visible and finally achieving it.

A pause  from her suggested something may be up, but she had her game face on, and no emotion showed – a good sign I thought.

Her questions, my answers all appeared to tick the “you are healthy” box.

“So lets check that echocardiogram” she said.

Alone I sat in the  room with examination bed and curtain at one end.  Messy desk  topped with artificial hearts, papers, stethoscope and cup of tea at the other end.  Cream walls.

Waiting seemed like forever – I practiced my apology for wasting her time

The door flew open and the words “you are in serious trouble” spilled out, followed by “you have severe heart disease”.  She loomed over me explaining exactly what she had seen on the echocardiogram, but I heard nothing.  Those words “severe heart disease” echoing inside my brain.

What! When? How? Why?  Visibly shocked.

I am a fitness instructor, how could  this be. I cycle, run, exercise for leisure and for occupation.

“Did you have rheumatic fever when you were young” she asked.  “I have no idea” I mumbled

Diagnosis – Rheumatic Heart Disease

Within an hour, I was a patient.  I work with patients.

Within an hour, I was prescribed medication.  I never take pills.

Within an hour,  my life changed.

Three words side swiped me – Disease, Patient, Medication

Prepare for valve replacement surgery

After paying for the consultation, I sat in my car feeling totally alone

How do I tell my family?